I received a call from a client and then immediately following was a text message. The client was irate. She doesn’t like my e-mail auto responder and she doesn’t like my phone system because it tried to locate me and while I was feeding my dogs it was unsuccessful. Unmindful of the fact that the e-mail auto responder does in fact state that if you need immediate assistance you should call. Of course then the phone system couldn’t locate me so she was frustrated. The beauty of the phone system however is the other system that is attached to it called “voice mail.” All she needed to do was leave a message. She did not. She sent a text and an e-mail asking me to call her. As soon as I was finished feeding my dogs I did just that. I am usually pretty good about getting back to everyone within 24 hours.

This client was concerned because I hadn’t responded to an e-mail request from her CPA. In all fairness I did overlook the fact that a response was required. I had seen a list of things to go over in a meeting which I believed my client would confirm with him and then I would respond and confirm that I would be there. After that is where the facts get a little fuzzy. She claims she sent some e-mails, but I don’t see any and I save everything. She also kept saying that he had e-mailed “last month” but the e-mail was only 10 days prior to the date of this conversation and well within the time frame of the same month in which we were having this one. People exaggerate to get their point across but I would be lying if I didn’t say that it bugs me when people do that. Saying you sent an e-mail when you haven’t of course is flat out lying. Either way the bottom line is that these are things we do to manipulate people because we’re afraid of not getting what we want, and clearly she was afraid that I wasn’t going to give her what she wanted; my time.

I called her as she requested and I knew it was time to get on the phone because the e-mails has gone back and forth a couple of times. The accusation she made was that I wasn’t responding to her requests (plural) and the only request I had received was a straight calendar appointment the previous day which I accepted and put on my calendar. Annoyed by her accusation I replied and explained that I had only received one request which I had confirmed. I also pointed out that there had been no message, no “hey are you available..” Again this is where the facts get fuzzy. I have no e-mails from her. Maybe she sent them, but I never got any.

So the conversation started. She immediately began to register her complaints with me and started off by announcing that she had a right to be frustrated. I almost said, “me too” and as I attempted to interject at one point in my own defense she said in a very frustrated voice, “Let me talk.” At that moment something came over me. I was in my office with both monitors glaring at me inviting me to ignore her while she ranted but I did no such thing. For some reason I looked right up at the web cam that sits on top of my large monitor and I said a prayer that I’ve learned to say in many situations especially ones like this. The situation is the one where I can feel the fight or flight response in my entire body. My blood vessels constrict and everything moves towards my heart. My head fills with noise. All of the things I wanted to say came flooding to the front of my mind. I wanted to tell her why she was wrong and I was right. I wanted to tell her why I was frustrated with her. As I looked up at my web cam I said a very simple prayer, “G-d please show me whom you would have me be in this situation.” I pleaded that with desperation because I felt myself boiling over and in truth I just wanted her to go away in that moment. Just as I finished saying the prayer my head quieted. It was clear to me all of a sudden that I did not need to defend myself. I had but one purpose here. To get this resolved as quickly and painlessly as possible so that I could move on. So a she went on and on bringing up the past and making it very clear who was in charge I listened quietly and intently. I pulled up the e-mail from the CPA which was really the true source of all of this. That much was clear. I think she went on for a good 15 minutes about all of the money she’s paid me and all of the things I did wrong and eventually she came to the point. I waited for her to stop and when she did I waited a good 2 more seconds to be sure that she didn’t have anything more to say. Then I commenced and it was so clear to me what needed to be done. I did not have to defend my honor. That only would have prolonged this and lead to more debate. I just had to look at my part, own it and get to the solution. As I began to explain that I was looking at the e-mail from the CPA she cut me off. I don’t think I had the benefit of more than about 5 seconds. Now it was my turn. So I explained to her that she asked me to let her speak and now I am asking for the same courtesy, and yes I was stern but I did not raise my voice. I went on to acknowledge that in fact I had not realized the e-mail required a response from me. I explained that I go through my e-mails twice per day but that this doesn’t mean that things do not slip through the cracks. Of course I apologized for this. Then I assured her that I would get in touch with the CPA right away, follow up and make sure that everything she needed would be handled. In less than 5 minutes she was calm and she was thanking me.

What I learned

I learned from this experience that by keeping quiet I was able to quiet my mind. From where I sat it was clear that her volume was high but her frequency was low. This in turn helped me realize that 90% of what was coming out of her mouth was meaningless. I was able to decipher the code and access the important part of her message. She was counting on me to do certain things and from where she stood she was concerned that I wasn’t doing them. The solution is simple. Assure her that I will do the things she is counting on me for and then of course the most important thing. Actually do them.

I immediately contacted the CPA to discuss what he needed. Then when I had time later in the evening I sat down and outlined what I thought needed to be done and sent it to her along with an estimate of what it would cost. Ball’s in her court now.

Silence is golden. If I had put up a fight and tried to defend myself this would have gone on for who knows how long. By sitting quietly while she spoke I was able to quiet my mind, diffuse the situation and get to the solution. That night I was able to put an estimate together for the things she and her CPA want me to do. I could have been nice and worked to see where I could cut back and save her money, but given the way I was treated by her that day, I saw no reason to. That phone call will turn out to have been an expensive one. This is something that one of my mentors in business taught me. Rather than argue with a client, make them pay in the most literal sense, mind you this only applies to the ones who give us a hard time. If she had simply called and said, “hey Seth I know your busy but I really need you to respond to “Tom” I would be motivated to be much more sympathetic.